...rewind or fast-forward?...

As I was laying in bed last night, I was thinking about the busy week that just passed away. Family was home, Christmas came and went, laughs, food, good times. I started to think about this past year and everything that came with it... the good, the bad and the ugly. I couldn't help but ask myself, if I had the chance... Would I rewind? Would I go back and fix things I did or said knowing how they would effect my life? Or would I fast forward from this point a few years and see where I end up? I wish the remote in the movie "Click" were in my possession. I would test it out and see what would happen. I think at some points in my life I would say "forget the remote, live and learn"... but for this moment, right now... I would totally do it.

And just for the record, I think I would rewind.

I am sorry for the hurtful things I have said and done.
I am grateful for memories.
I am human.

.my favorite time of the year.

A glimpse into my Christmas season...

I've watched 'Elf' 'The Grinch' 'Christmas Vacation' 'Home Alone' and 'Charlie Brown's Christmas' (some multiple times)

Andrew and I decorated the 'Jones Family Christmas Tree'

Mom, Matt and I transformed the house into a Christmas wonderland

I've attended 2 ugly Christmas sweater parties

my family flew in (Kelsey & Porter, Adam, Natalie & Jack, and Mom-mom)

we had a Christmas get-together/game night... it was a success

the whole family took a lemo ride to view Christmas lights

family dinners have been wonderful

decorated ginger bread houses with the girls + Andrew

festive cookie decorating... then devouring

"Merry Christmas From the Family" is always a family favorite sing-a-long

late night game playing is a nightly occurrence

went last minute shopping with Kelsey

watched BSU whoop Utah

I love this time of year...

.the wish list of a single 25 year old.

1. A hot, mature, well-educated, man that is well into his career that knows how to treat me right

2. A lump sum of dough that will allow me to quit my job and finish college

3. A pretty penny for my parents also, please? Thanks.

4. An English Bulldog to be named 'biggie smalls'

5. Another nephew or niece (lets get on the ball Kelsey and Porter)

6. A brand new black Chevy Camaro

7. An 'all expenses paid' trip to Italy

8. Snow on Christmas morning

9. A trip to the spa (where I would be turned into a blonde again)

10. Oh yes, and World peace....

Come on Santa Baby, hurry down my chimney TONIGHT!!!

**side note: at first the title said 'the wish list of a single 24 year old.' until I was corrected by my beautiful sister-in-law Natalie. I am 25 years old now. I just can't keep it straight. Age? I think so. 

.matt jones-mc neenalds-and food stamps.

I worked 16 hours yesterday. Exhausted? Just a wee-bit. BUT, I went home and against my better judgment, stayed up watching "Police Women of Dallas" with Matt. Shortly after the episode ended, I was pulling the covers over my legs to go to sleep when I decided it was in my best interest to go an another nightly adventure with, who? Matt Jones. We ended up at Walmart of all places. We grabbed a bite to eat at Mc-Neenalds, aka McDonald's. We went straight to the toy section like most young adults in their mid to late 20's do. There was a wall of creepy baby dolls that were in little cribs that start laughing and bouncing thanks to motion sensors... how flippin' creepy is that? Toys these days. Give your child a baby doll that isn't creepy... for the love of... infants! Anyway... back to the story... After our escapades in the toy section we made our way to the men's clothing section and start trying on sweaters and jackets for the heck of it. I mean, why not, right? Matt found a dashing jacket. It makes him feel sexy. He didn't know if he deserved to buy it for himself around Christmas time but he debated for all of 2 seconds. He also found a burgundy zip up pull over that made him feel sexy AND HE LOVES THAT COLOR!!! So we take our finds to the line as we discuss suicide (don't ask...) As we get closer to being checked out, Matt starts inquiring on food stamps, rather loudly, mind you....
here is some of the verbiage:

Matt to the clerk: Where do you get food stamps?
Clerk: (turns to a black guy behind Matt and points finger in a questionable manner) I dunno man, downtown? In a government building?
Black guy behind Matt: I dunno man...
Matt to clerk: Can you buy clothes with food stamps?
Clerk: Uh, (laughs awkwardly) I don't think so. Your total is $44.45
Matt: (fumbles around in his wallet/pockets) Uh, actually just give me the jacket. I don't have enough cash on me for both.
Me: Wow, you really do need food stamps (dies laughing)
Matt: (laughs) Yeah, I think I do. 
Matt to me: Court, can I borrow a dollar?

Needless to say, we were laughing the whole way home about creating and executing perfectly, socially awkward situations.... Just another reason why I love Matt Jones.

.I had a dream.

I had a dream last night that woke me up around 3:45 this morning. I was at a familiar place with old friends about this time a year ago. In the dream, it was as if I were watching myself from the corner of the room. I was laughing and having a good time. I was surrounded by friends and holding the hand of my ex-boyfriend. I seemed happy.
All of a sudden I felt an overwhelming feeling of sadness. I walked out of the room and went home to see my family. 'Home' felt unfamiliar and empty. I was searching for my family and ended up walking down a hallway, which in my dream, did not end. I kept walking and searching but they were no where to be found. I woke up because my heart was racing. I sat up in bed and tried to gather my thoughts. I took in a few deep breaths trying to slow my heart rate and laid back down. I laid there for a while unable to shake the dream from my thoughts. It's not like anything abnormal happened. It's not like I was being chased by some foreign monster carrying a sword. I thought back to last year and the people I was with. I thought about where I was in life. I though about my relationship with my family.
I have been through so much in such a short amount of time. I was overcome by a feeling of gratitude. I am thankful for last year and what it has taught me. I have learned lessons that cannot be taught in a classroom. I no longer feel like an outsider looking in when I am at home surrounded by my family. I feel warm and comfortable.
This time of year is a time of reflection, love, and giving. I think of family, friends and my savior. I am grateful for all I have been given and all I have to give. I am thankful for the trials and experiences I have been through that have lead me to this point in my life. I hope and pray everyone has a fantastic Holiday Season.