As I was laying in bed last night, I was thinking about the busy week that just passed away. Family was home, Christmas came and went, laughs, food, good times. I started to think about this past year and everything that came with it... the good, the bad and the ugly. I couldn't help but ask myself, if I had the chance... Would I rewind? Would I go back and fix things I did or said knowing how they would effect my life? Or would I fast forward from this point a few years and see where I end up? I wish the remote in the movie "Click" were in my possession. I would test it out and see what would happen. I think at some points in my life I would say "forget the remote, live and learn"... but for this moment, right now... I would totally do it.
And just for the record, I think I would rewind.
I am sorry for the hurtful things I have said and done.
I am grateful for memories.
I am human.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Thursday, December 23, 2010
.my favorite time of the year.
A glimpse into my Christmas season...
I've watched 'Elf' 'The Grinch' 'Christmas Vacation' 'Home Alone' and 'Charlie Brown's Christmas' (some multiple times)
Andrew and I decorated the 'Jones Family Christmas Tree'
Mom, Matt and I transformed the house into a Christmas wonderland
I've attended 2 ugly Christmas sweater parties
my family flew in (Kelsey & Porter, Adam, Natalie & Jack, and Mom-mom)
we had a Christmas get-together/game night... it was a success
the whole family took a lemo ride to view Christmas lights
family dinners have been wonderful
decorated ginger bread houses with the girls + Andrew
festive cookie decorating... then devouring
"Merry Christmas From the Family" is always a family favorite sing-a-long
late night game playing is a nightly occurrence
went last minute shopping with Kelsey
watched BSU whoop Utah
I love this time of year...
I've watched 'Elf' 'The Grinch' 'Christmas Vacation' 'Home Alone' and 'Charlie Brown's Christmas' (some multiple times)
Andrew and I decorated the 'Jones Family Christmas Tree'
Mom, Matt and I transformed the house into a Christmas wonderland
I've attended 2 ugly Christmas sweater parties
my family flew in (Kelsey & Porter, Adam, Natalie & Jack, and Mom-mom)
we had a Christmas get-together/game night... it was a success
the whole family took a lemo ride to view Christmas lights
family dinners have been wonderful
decorated ginger bread houses with the girls + Andrew
festive cookie decorating... then devouring
"Merry Christmas From the Family" is always a family favorite sing-a-long
late night game playing is a nightly occurrence
went last minute shopping with Kelsey
watched BSU whoop Utah
I love this time of year...
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
.the wish list of a single 25 year old.
1. A hot, mature, well-educated, man that is well into his career that knows how to treat me right
2. A lump sum of dough that will allow me to quit my job and finish college
3. A pretty penny for my parents also, please? Thanks.
4. An English Bulldog to be named 'biggie smalls'
5. Another nephew or niece (lets get on the ball Kelsey and Porter)
6. A brand new black Chevy Camaro
7. An 'all expenses paid' trip to Italy
8. Snow on Christmas morning
9. A trip to the spa (where I would be turned into a blonde again)
10. Oh yes, and World peace....
Come on Santa Baby, hurry down my chimney TONIGHT!!!
**side note: at first the title said 'the wish list of a single 24 year old.' until I was corrected by my beautiful sister-in-law Natalie. I am 25 years old now. I just can't keep it straight. Age? I think so.
**side note: at first the title said 'the wish list of a single 24 year old.' until I was corrected by my beautiful sister-in-law Natalie. I am 25 years old now. I just can't keep it straight. Age? I think so.
Friday, December 10, 2010
.matt jones-mc neenalds-and food stamps.
I worked 16 hours yesterday. Exhausted? Just a wee-bit. BUT, I went home and against my better judgment, stayed up watching "Police Women of Dallas" with Matt. Shortly after the episode ended, I was pulling the covers over my legs to go to sleep when I decided it was in my best interest to go an another nightly adventure with, who? Matt Jones. We ended up at Walmart of all places. We grabbed a bite to eat at Mc-Neenalds, aka McDonald's. We went straight to the toy section like most young adults in their mid to late 20's do. There was a wall of creepy baby dolls that were in little cribs that start laughing and bouncing thanks to motion sensors... how flippin' creepy is that? Toys these days. Give your child a baby doll that isn't creepy... for the love of... infants! Anyway... back to the story... After our escapades in the toy section we made our way to the men's clothing section and start trying on sweaters and jackets for the heck of it. I mean, why not, right? Matt found a dashing jacket. It makes him feel sexy. He didn't know if he deserved to buy it for himself around Christmas time but he debated for all of 2 seconds. He also found a burgundy zip up pull over that made him feel sexy AND HE LOVES THAT COLOR!!! So we take our finds to the line as we discuss suicide (don't ask...) As we get closer to being checked out, Matt starts inquiring on food stamps, rather loudly, mind you....
here is some of the verbiage:
Matt to the clerk: Where do you get food stamps?
Clerk: (turns to a black guy behind Matt and points finger in a questionable manner) I dunno man, downtown? In a government building?
Black guy behind Matt: I dunno man...
Matt to clerk: Can you buy clothes with food stamps?
Clerk: Uh, (laughs awkwardly) I don't think so. Your total is $44.45
Matt: (fumbles around in his wallet/pockets) Uh, actually just give me the jacket. I don't have enough cash on me for both.
Me: Wow, you really do need food stamps (dies laughing)
Matt: (laughs) Yeah, I think I do.
Matt to me: Court, can I borrow a dollar?
Needless to say, we were laughing the whole way home about creating and executing perfectly, socially awkward situations.... Just another reason why I love Matt Jones.
here is some of the verbiage:
Matt to the clerk: Where do you get food stamps?
Clerk: (turns to a black guy behind Matt and points finger in a questionable manner) I dunno man, downtown? In a government building?
Black guy behind Matt: I dunno man...
Matt to clerk: Can you buy clothes with food stamps?
Clerk: Uh, (laughs awkwardly) I don't think so. Your total is $44.45
Matt: (fumbles around in his wallet/pockets) Uh, actually just give me the jacket. I don't have enough cash on me for both.
Me: Wow, you really do need food stamps (dies laughing)
Matt: (laughs) Yeah, I think I do.
Matt to me: Court, can I borrow a dollar?
Needless to say, we were laughing the whole way home about creating and executing perfectly, socially awkward situations.... Just another reason why I love Matt Jones.
Sunday, December 5, 2010
.I had a dream.
I had a dream last night that woke me up around 3:45 this morning. I was at a familiar place with old friends about this time a year ago. In the dream, it was as if I were watching myself from the corner of the room. I was laughing and having a good time. I was surrounded by friends and holding the hand of my ex-boyfriend. I seemed happy.
All of a sudden I felt an overwhelming feeling of sadness. I walked out of the room and went home to see my family. 'Home' felt unfamiliar and empty. I was searching for my family and ended up walking down a hallway, which in my dream, did not end. I kept walking and searching but they were no where to be found. I woke up because my heart was racing. I sat up in bed and tried to gather my thoughts. I took in a few deep breaths trying to slow my heart rate and laid back down. I laid there for a while unable to shake the dream from my thoughts. It's not like anything abnormal happened. It's not like I was being chased by some foreign monster carrying a sword. I thought back to last year and the people I was with. I thought about where I was in life. I though about my relationship with my family.
I have been through so much in such a short amount of time. I was overcome by a feeling of gratitude. I am thankful for last year and what it has taught me. I have learned lessons that cannot be taught in a classroom. I no longer feel like an outsider looking in when I am at home surrounded by my family. I feel warm and comfortable.
This time of year is a time of reflection, love, and giving. I think of family, friends and my savior. I am grateful for all I have been given and all I have to give. I am thankful for the trials and experiences I have been through that have lead me to this point in my life. I hope and pray everyone has a fantastic Holiday Season.
All of a sudden I felt an overwhelming feeling of sadness. I walked out of the room and went home to see my family. 'Home' felt unfamiliar and empty. I was searching for my family and ended up walking down a hallway, which in my dream, did not end. I kept walking and searching but they were no where to be found. I woke up because my heart was racing. I sat up in bed and tried to gather my thoughts. I took in a few deep breaths trying to slow my heart rate and laid back down. I laid there for a while unable to shake the dream from my thoughts. It's not like anything abnormal happened. It's not like I was being chased by some foreign monster carrying a sword. I thought back to last year and the people I was with. I thought about where I was in life. I though about my relationship with my family.
I have been through so much in such a short amount of time. I was overcome by a feeling of gratitude. I am thankful for last year and what it has taught me. I have learned lessons that cannot be taught in a classroom. I no longer feel like an outsider looking in when I am at home surrounded by my family. I feel warm and comfortable.
This time of year is a time of reflection, love, and giving. I think of family, friends and my savior. I am grateful for all I have been given and all I have to give. I am thankful for the trials and experiences I have been through that have lead me to this point in my life. I hope and pray everyone has a fantastic Holiday Season.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
No really, 'honey'... I pray for YOU.
My theme song for the last week. Just wanted to share ;)
I haven’t been to church since I don’t remember when
Things were going great til they fell apart again
So I listened to the preacher as he told me what to do
He said you can’t go hatin’ others who have done wrong to you
Sometimes we get angry but we must not condemn
Let the good Lord do his job, you just pray for them
I pray your brakes go out runnin’ down a hill
I pray a flower pot falls from a window sill
And knocks you in the head like I’d like to
I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls
I pray you’re flyin’ high when your engine stalls
I pray all your dreams never come true
Just know wherever you are, honey, I pray for you
I’m really glad I found my way to church
Cause I’m already feelin’ better and I thank God for the words
Yeah, I’m gonna take the high road and do what the preacher told me to do
You keep messin’ up, and I’ll keep prayin’ for you
I pray your tire goes out at 110
I pray you pass out drunk with your best friend
And wake up with his and her tattoos…
I pray your brakes go out runnin’ down a hill
I pray a flower pot falls from a window sill
And knocks you in the head like I’d like to
I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls
I pray you’re flyin’ high when your engine stalls
I pray all your dreams never come true
Just know wherever you are, near or far
In your house or in your car
Wherever you are, honey, I pray for you
I pray for you
I haven’t been to church since I don’t remember when
Things were going great til they fell apart again
So I listened to the preacher as he told me what to do
He said you can’t go hatin’ others who have done wrong to you
Sometimes we get angry but we must not condemn
Let the good Lord do his job, you just pray for them
I pray your brakes go out runnin’ down a hill
I pray a flower pot falls from a window sill
And knocks you in the head like I’d like to
I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls
I pray you’re flyin’ high when your engine stalls
I pray all your dreams never come true
Just know wherever you are, honey, I pray for you
I’m really glad I found my way to church
Cause I’m already feelin’ better and I thank God for the words
Yeah, I’m gonna take the high road and do what the preacher told me to do
You keep messin’ up, and I’ll keep prayin’ for you
I pray your tire goes out at 110
I pray you pass out drunk with your best friend
And wake up with his and her tattoos…
I pray your brakes go out runnin’ down a hill
I pray a flower pot falls from a window sill
And knocks you in the head like I’d like to
I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls
I pray you’re flyin’ high when your engine stalls
I pray all your dreams never come true
Just know wherever you are, near or far
In your house or in your car
Wherever you are, honey, I pray for you
I pray for you
Friday, November 26, 2010
'HOPE' to the rescue
I received an email from an old friend today that told me she knew how to get to my older blogs... AND THERE THEY WERE!!!! I am soooo happy about it I could kiss her on the cheek! So shout out to RAE HOE! And many thanks. I thought my writings were lost forever! I'm thinkin' I will only put back up the most recent ones. I will archive the sappy ones about my Summer "love" for a later date... anyway... enjoy (or not) again.
Written a few months ago:
zzzzzzzzzzz
from Courtney Renee by everybody loves courtKNEE
I sat here starring at the cursor for a good five minutes before I started typing. I blame it on the time. It is 8:01 in the morning and if you know me... at all... you know how much I hate, ever so passionately, with every fiber of my being, waking up early. I just started this new shift at work that will last for the next 6 months. BOO! I work 6am-6pm every Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and every other Sunday. I love having 3 and 4 days off a week... but I absolutely hate waking up by 5:15 every work day. When I hear my phone alarm go off, I throw a full out temper tantrum in my mind and pull the covers over my head as I try my hardest to disappear from 'the real world' and sleep for the rest of forever. *sigh* If I weren't such a night owl, going to bed at a decent hour would probably come easily... but instead, I lay in bed, tossing and turning, thinking... dwelling... not sleeping.... Eventually, yes... of course I fall asleep, but what seems like seconds later, I hear that dad gum alarm go off and it shatters my entire universe. Ha ha... OK, so maybe that is overreacting at its best. Whatever.
I love night time. I love the dark (in no way does this represent my soul... just sayin') I love seeing the moon and the stars twinkling against the dark canvas of the night sky. I love it! It's not that I have to be out and about late. I've just always been a night person. It's jut how I roll. So needless to say... it is going to be the longest, sleepiest 6 months of my life.
Written a few months ago:
zzzzzzzzzzz
from Courtney Renee by everybody loves courtKNEE
I sat here starring at the cursor for a good five minutes before I started typing. I blame it on the time. It is 8:01 in the morning and if you know me... at all... you know how much I hate, ever so passionately, with every fiber of my being, waking up early. I just started this new shift at work that will last for the next 6 months. BOO! I work 6am-6pm every Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and every other Sunday. I love having 3 and 4 days off a week... but I absolutely hate waking up by 5:15 every work day. When I hear my phone alarm go off, I throw a full out temper tantrum in my mind and pull the covers over my head as I try my hardest to disappear from 'the real world' and sleep for the rest of forever. *sigh* If I weren't such a night owl, going to bed at a decent hour would probably come easily... but instead, I lay in bed, tossing and turning, thinking... dwelling... not sleeping.... Eventually, yes... of course I fall asleep, but what seems like seconds later, I hear that dad gum alarm go off and it shatters my entire universe. Ha ha... OK, so maybe that is overreacting at its best. Whatever.
I love night time. I love the dark (in no way does this represent my soul... just sayin') I love seeing the moon and the stars twinkling against the dark canvas of the night sky. I love it! It's not that I have to be out and about late. I've just always been a night person. It's jut how I roll. So needless to say... it is going to be the longest, sleepiest 6 months of my life.
once was lost, but now is found...
...just a thought...
from Courtney Renee by everybody loves courtKNEE
With all the things running through my head right now... I could totally write a song... or... 5. I feel happy, stressed beyond all measure, but happy.
I am working on being happy with myself (which by the way, has never come easy to me) I am studying my scriptures, reading conference talks, being open and honest with those near and dear to me... you know, just doing all I can to be the happiest lil me there is to be!
I am working on letting the past be just that... the past. It is sooo hard to let go. It is hard to forgive myself of past mistakes and feel right again. Whole again. I think that is one of the biggest rocks on this 1st mountain I started to climb (sorry if the whole mountain analogy is getting old, but it isn't to me... so deal with it :) but I also know that once we have been forgiven by Him, it is forgotten. So I try my hardest to remember that and press forward. Onward and upward.
I am working on my future. This is a huge thing for me right now. I tend to get antsy and impatient with this topic, because it is so important to me! I refuse to try and rush it again. We see where that has gotten me in the past 4 months. I have learned so, so much, yes... but I need to put the will of my Father in Heaven before my own. College and career wise, I am trying to figure out what to pay next and how to pay this and that so I can reach my goal. Goal: to be able to move back to school, any school, somewhere!!! at LEAST by fall of 11. A year? Heck yes... totally reachable!
But with all that being said... I want to move away. I want to board the next plane to... anywhere USA and start over. Drastic of course. I know how to do drastic. Ask Matt and my parents! BUT, I have also learned to face the present and make the future I want, possible. SO, I need some encouragement because I am totally buckling down so I can figure out where a 24 year old Texas gal needs to go next :)
Night y'all!!!
...pride? naaaaaaaaah...
from Courtney Renee by everybody loves courtKNEE
Where to start? The past few weeks have been like a roller coaster ride of emotional turns, loops, and hills. The first two(ish) weeks of the break up, I was focused on me and me only... or so I thought. (denial? yeah probably) Now that I look back I was more focused on what I could do to make it work again. I felt like my future would be secure with him. I was dreaming of the day he would get back down on his knee an re-propose. We said we would be friends and see where things went from there.
I let myself log on to facebook and I went to his page. Mistake. Who is that girl? What does she have that I don't? Was it because he found her that we ended? Was it because he changed his mind? Was I just not good enough? Is he really better than me? My thoughts were running wild, kinda like an untamed dog that escaped out the front door. I felt a wave of bitter sadness that turned to anger. Jealousy. I hate to admit that. I hate it more than I can express... but it happened. I prayed that I would get past this. I knew in my heart before we even broke up that we weren't right for each other but like I said, I felt a sense of security. He had the spiritual qualities I wanted in a guy. I never dated a guy so strong in the gospel. Was that what I fell so in love with? Maybe... We just didn't click shortly after the engagement. I was always on the defensive. I was easy to get annoyed. He didn't deserve that, but neither did I.
The first time I ever admitted out loud that I knew he wasn't right for me was shortly after the break up to my Mom. She knew it as well. She had thought it for a while, but for the past few years she has learned not to say these things to me right away. She has learned and so have I, that I have to figure things out on my own. I love her and thank her for that. I know I don't always make things easy. Anyway... I knew. I just thought I could change and make it work out. She gave me motherly advice. She told me I shouldn't have to work so hard at something that is meant to be. I shouldn't have to change for anyone. I should change for me and me only. (she is so great)
So, I got on facebook again not even a week ago. I told myself I wasn't going to snoop. Who was I kidding? I went to his page again... and I went to hers. Big mistake. I knew I was only hurting myself by doing that. I knew there was nothing I could do to make it better. I don't want him like that. I don't need him like that. I did at the beginning of our relationship. I know he was put in my path to help me get through some hard times... but I honestly believe that was it. His purpose for my life was complete. So why do I care? Because we were engaged. We were talking about eternity... and now he has moved on and already found his next fling. It hurts. It's like salt in an open wound. Why was he so over it and I, so not? How is that fair? Don't get me wrong, I am not broken. I am not crying all night wondering why. I am just hurt. So I deleted him from facebook. I don't want the negativity to creep into my mind anymore. I don't want to turn what we had into bitter thoughts. Yeah, we had something I felt was special for a while... but this is helping me move forward without hard feelings.
With all that being said... I am no longer jealous, mad or angry. I am happy with what we were and what we had. I learned a lot about myself and what I want and need in a future husband. He had some great qualities, but I need something different, qualities he didn't have. I deserve a fighter. I deserve someone who loves me regardless of my past. I deserve someone who loves my flaws, my faults, and my shortcomings without trying to change or mold me into what they need... Someone who accepts me for who I already am and yet makes me want to be a better person just because I want to improve myself. I know I will find that. I am in no rush. I will never rush another relationship again. It takes a while to really get to know someone. That is the fun part! The exciting part! Getting to know someone and learning to love them for exactly who they are :) I am focused on me again, and this time with the right attitude. I have my days, with ups and downs... I have my doubts sometimes, but that is life. I am human. I make mistakes. Of course I get sad sometimes. Of course every day isn't full of sunshine and lolly-pops... that would be living in a dream! We are supposed to feel things like sadness, frustration, stress and pain. It's OK to have a bad day as long as we don't let it take over us. I fall, but I get back up. I smile and laugh daily. I thank Heavenly Father for the little things. I am moving forward. So pride can take a hike!!! I feel awesome... and I can't wait to see what my future holds.
from Courtney Renee by everybody loves courtKNEE
With all the things running through my head right now... I could totally write a song... or... 5. I feel happy, stressed beyond all measure, but happy.
I am working on being happy with myself (which by the way, has never come easy to me) I am studying my scriptures, reading conference talks, being open and honest with those near and dear to me... you know, just doing all I can to be the happiest lil me there is to be!
I am working on letting the past be just that... the past. It is sooo hard to let go. It is hard to forgive myself of past mistakes and feel right again. Whole again. I think that is one of the biggest rocks on this 1st mountain I started to climb (sorry if the whole mountain analogy is getting old, but it isn't to me... so deal with it :) but I also know that once we have been forgiven by Him, it is forgotten. So I try my hardest to remember that and press forward. Onward and upward.
I am working on my future. This is a huge thing for me right now. I tend to get antsy and impatient with this topic, because it is so important to me! I refuse to try and rush it again. We see where that has gotten me in the past 4 months. I have learned so, so much, yes... but I need to put the will of my Father in Heaven before my own. College and career wise, I am trying to figure out what to pay next and how to pay this and that so I can reach my goal. Goal: to be able to move back to school, any school, somewhere!!! at LEAST by fall of 11. A year? Heck yes... totally reachable!
But with all that being said... I want to move away. I want to board the next plane to... anywhere USA and start over. Drastic of course. I know how to do drastic. Ask Matt and my parents! BUT, I have also learned to face the present and make the future I want, possible. SO, I need some encouragement because I am totally buckling down so I can figure out where a 24 year old Texas gal needs to go next :)
Night y'all!!!
...pride? naaaaaaaaah...
from Courtney Renee by everybody loves courtKNEE
Where to start? The past few weeks have been like a roller coaster ride of emotional turns, loops, and hills. The first two(ish) weeks of the break up, I was focused on me and me only... or so I thought. (denial? yeah probably) Now that I look back I was more focused on what I could do to make it work again. I felt like my future would be secure with him. I was dreaming of the day he would get back down on his knee an re-propose. We said we would be friends and see where things went from there.
I let myself log on to facebook and I went to his page. Mistake. Who is that girl? What does she have that I don't? Was it because he found her that we ended? Was it because he changed his mind? Was I just not good enough? Is he really better than me? My thoughts were running wild, kinda like an untamed dog that escaped out the front door. I felt a wave of bitter sadness that turned to anger. Jealousy. I hate to admit that. I hate it more than I can express... but it happened. I prayed that I would get past this. I knew in my heart before we even broke up that we weren't right for each other but like I said, I felt a sense of security. He had the spiritual qualities I wanted in a guy. I never dated a guy so strong in the gospel. Was that what I fell so in love with? Maybe... We just didn't click shortly after the engagement. I was always on the defensive. I was easy to get annoyed. He didn't deserve that, but neither did I.
The first time I ever admitted out loud that I knew he wasn't right for me was shortly after the break up to my Mom. She knew it as well. She had thought it for a while, but for the past few years she has learned not to say these things to me right away. She has learned and so have I, that I have to figure things out on my own. I love her and thank her for that. I know I don't always make things easy. Anyway... I knew. I just thought I could change and make it work out. She gave me motherly advice. She told me I shouldn't have to work so hard at something that is meant to be. I shouldn't have to change for anyone. I should change for me and me only. (she is so great)
So, I got on facebook again not even a week ago. I told myself I wasn't going to snoop. Who was I kidding? I went to his page again... and I went to hers. Big mistake. I knew I was only hurting myself by doing that. I knew there was nothing I could do to make it better. I don't want him like that. I don't need him like that. I did at the beginning of our relationship. I know he was put in my path to help me get through some hard times... but I honestly believe that was it. His purpose for my life was complete. So why do I care? Because we were engaged. We were talking about eternity... and now he has moved on and already found his next fling. It hurts. It's like salt in an open wound. Why was he so over it and I, so not? How is that fair? Don't get me wrong, I am not broken. I am not crying all night wondering why. I am just hurt. So I deleted him from facebook. I don't want the negativity to creep into my mind anymore. I don't want to turn what we had into bitter thoughts. Yeah, we had something I felt was special for a while... but this is helping me move forward without hard feelings.
With all that being said... I am no longer jealous, mad or angry. I am happy with what we were and what we had. I learned a lot about myself and what I want and need in a future husband. He had some great qualities, but I need something different, qualities he didn't have. I deserve a fighter. I deserve someone who loves me regardless of my past. I deserve someone who loves my flaws, my faults, and my shortcomings without trying to change or mold me into what they need... Someone who accepts me for who I already am and yet makes me want to be a better person just because I want to improve myself. I know I will find that. I am in no rush. I will never rush another relationship again. It takes a while to really get to know someone. That is the fun part! The exciting part! Getting to know someone and learning to love them for exactly who they are :) I am focused on me again, and this time with the right attitude. I have my days, with ups and downs... I have my doubts sometimes, but that is life. I am human. I make mistakes. Of course I get sad sometimes. Of course every day isn't full of sunshine and lolly-pops... that would be living in a dream! We are supposed to feel things like sadness, frustration, stress and pain. It's OK to have a bad day as long as we don't let it take over us. I fall, but I get back up. I smile and laugh daily. I thank Heavenly Father for the little things. I am moving forward. So pride can take a hike!!! I feel awesome... and I can't wait to see what my future holds.
| ...Jack... from Courtney Renee by everybody loves courtKNEE |
| Ok, I must admit a few things. 1. I stole the following pictures from Adam and Natalies blog, but that is because of... 2. I haven't yet met my cute little nephew to take my own pictures :( BOO!!! But I will be seeing him in a few weeks... so for now, Adam, Nat... I apologize but Jack needs to be seen by all my friends so I can brag about how daggum cute he is and so they can "oooooh" and "aaaaaaah" along with me :) |
there used to be a really cute picture here... :( OH WELL we all know he is cute
| ISN'T HE SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO Jack, I want you to know that I love you so very much. I can't wait to watch you grow, smile, laugh, cry, eat, sleep, and progress. You have wonderful parents. They really love each other. They are perfect for one another and they are perfect for you. Always listen to them. They would never steer you in the wrong direction. Do good always. Learn from mistakes. Fall, but get back up. You have a very large and caring support group at your side and we truly all want what is best for you. Just always remember that I am your favorite :) no matter what Kelsey says or tries to drill into your cute little head... I am! She is awesome, don't get me wrong.. but I am awesomer!!! I love you Jack Aunt Courtney. |
| ...to you... from Courtney Renee by everybody loves courtKNEE Interesting morning, to say the least. 6am comes way to early for my liking, by the way. So I read my email. I cried. I didn't know how to reply so I will just say this... I do not regret... I learn. I love the person I am becoming thanks to everything I have gone through in my life and the people put in my path along the way, distracting or helpful. Emotion and feelings are all a part of being human. They are all a part of life. I think of pain, sadness, tears, joy, happiness, and excitement as blessings. In my short 25 years I have loved deeply and with passion. I have felt pain. I have been hurt on more than one occasion.... but I have lived. I have stumbled into situations I can only thank my Heavenly Father for getting me out of safely. I have been through my own personal hell(s) and back because of stupid decisions I have made, but I do not dwell on these things. I learn and grow from them. I want you to know I am OK. I am finding me. I had a conversation with my Dad when I was 18 years old. He looked up at me and asked what I want most in life. With tears in my eyes I replied, "happiness. I want to be happy." I have been on a journey from that point forward, searching for myself. Searching for happiness. You have helped me. You have been there for me. I thank you for that and I do not just look at our past and think 'what's done is done." Of course I did at one point, but that was part of my healing process. I wouldn't change anything that happened. I believe I already stated that a few posts back, but it is still true. I deal with things best as I know how. I am trying to move on and move forward... so I just need time. Give me time. That is all I need from you. Courtney |
| ...6 days... from Courtney Renee by everybody loves courtKNEE I am so excited! I leave on a jet plane to Salt Lake City, UT on Wednesday morning. I get to ride the wonderful bus to Rexburg where I will get to meet my new cute nephew Jack. I get to listen to Adam give Jack his baby blessing at church that Sunday with my whole family (minus Matt and Jake). I get to see old friends and maybe even make some new ones. I get to go on a mini road trip with Kelsey back to Boise,ID and hang out at her house with her and Porter! I will get to see the BSU campus where I will (hopefully) get the rest of my education.... so in other words, life for that week will completely ROCK and I can't even begin to explain how happy that makes me. I just love my family and how much fun we have when we are all together. Hours of laughter, good conversation, and memories to be made. On an even awesomer note, EVERYONE will be home for CHRISTMAS in TEXAS! Now that gives bragging rights. I will refrain. Well, at least until a little closer to go time. |
| Oh Idaho... from Courtney Renee by everybody loves courtKNEE It's official!!! I am in Idaho with Adam, Nat and JACK! The rest of the Jones clan strolls in on Saturday. Sunday is the day of sweet baby Jack's blessing. So, needless to say... this weekend is already amazing and will only get better. Today we strolled around BYU-I campus. This place has changed SO much since I lived here. I ran into a good friend of mine (Marky-mark Orwig) at The Crossroads and we get to hang out tomorrow night! I can't wait to see him and Tyler Cline! Reunions are so much fun. I can't hardly wait. SO the more I think about it, the more I would love to come visit here more often, but I just don't think being a student here is best for me. I am excited to tour the BSU campus when I get to Boise. I think living near Kelsey and Porter and within driving distance from Adam, Nat and Jack sounds pretty dang perfect to me... but we will see. I am not making the school decision on my own and this is all just me thinking out loud. For the past few months I had been really impatient and just wanted to know what my future held, but being here and seeing family and meeting Jack for the first time has made me realize I want to live in the moment more and make awesome memories along the way. I am in no hurry. I am having fun and living life right. |
| .My Bucket List. from Courtney Renee by everybody loves courtKNEE 1. Join a book club 2. Publish "Letter's to Me" 3. Run a half marathon 4. See a musical on Broadway 5. Visit a legit haunted house 6. Graduate college (BSU) 7. Find and marry the love of my life 8. Take an Alaskan cruise 9. Go ice fishing 10. Learn how to hunt 11. Go to Disney World 12. Go shopping on Rodeo Drive 13. Paint a masterpiece 14. Go to a Super Bowl game 15. Serve a mission with my spouse 16. Be an extra in a movie 17. Tour a castle 18. Adopt a child or two 19. Go skydiving 20. Hike Table Rock 21. Learn another language 22. Visit the Amazon 23. Plant a tree 24. Change someones life 25. Make a profitable investment 26. See the Eiffel Tower 27. Lear to play guitar 28. Spend a Christmas in NYC 29. Attend the Winter Olympics one year 30. See the 7 natural wonders of the world 31. Visit the Holy Land 32. Take a baking class 33. Help cure Alzheimer's Disease 34. Be in two places at once 35. Read the entire Bible 36. Go deep sea diving 37. Shake the hand of a U.S. President 38. Ride the subway in New York 39. Eat pasta in Italy 40. Ride in a hot air balloon 41. Take a U.S. road trip from coast to coast 42. See the northern lights 43. Procreate 44. Develop a unique recipe 45. Take a helicopter ride 46. Get scuba certified 47. Go to Hawaii and pick a coconut 48. Lay on a hammock in Jamaica 49. Learn to golf 50. Make an entire meal from scratch 51. Plant a garden 52. Learn astrology 53. Help children in a third world country 54. Eat gumbo in Louisiana 55. Sit in a legit igloo 56. Collect and then watch all the original Disney movies 57. Spend a week camping in the mountains 58. Visit the great wall of China 59. Write a Christmas song 60. See Brad Paisley in concert 61. Start a new trend 62. Go caving 63. Throw a Halloween party (a totally legit one) 64. Get an NFL quarterbacks autograph 65. Take a karate class 66. Play on an adult soccer team 67. Go to an 'Ellen' show 68. Visit the Sistine Chapel 69. See the Mona Lisa 70. Learn how to cut and color hair 71. Visit the Cinque Terre on the Italian Riviera 72. See the Acropolis in Greece 73. Travel somewhere by train 74. See the Macy's Day Parade live 75. Sculpt something spectacular 76. Write a country song 77. Go dog sledding 78. Stand under a waterfall 79. Milk a cow 80. Learn how to sail 81. Go on an African wildlife safari 82. Learn how to ballroom dance 83. Befriend a stranger 84. Dance in the rain 85. Leave a 100% tip 86. Run through a maze 87. Go hang gliding 88. Raise money for a charity 89. Get a professional massage at a resort 90. Ride an elephant 91. Sit on a bench downtown for a few hours dressed in rags 92. Travel to Australia 93. Go ghost hunting with a camcorder 94. Make 50 people smile in less than an hour 95. Go vegan for a week 96. Dress in a different costume everyday for 7 days 97. Give an interesting lecture or talk to a group of people 98. Send a love note out to sea 99. Sing in front of a live audience 100. Live life to the fullest and love it |
| Just being honest (and rambling to death) from Courtney Renee by everybody loves courtKNEE I am starring at the screen with so many thoughts rushing through my mind, yet I don't know where to begin or how to express anything I am thinking or feeling. I want to say so much but I don't think I would get my point across. Normal? What does that word even mean. Confused? Slightly. But... what's new? Can I just start over? Let me be 18 again... I would do so much very differently. I know experiences and trials make us who we are and point us in the direction of where we want to be... but I am running out of time here. I am 25, yes to most that is young.. but to me... it feels old. It's like I've spent the last 7 years in limbo trying to find happiness. Trying to find myself. Will the search ever end? I submit to you that it will not. OK it will, I just wish it would hurry the freak up! I want so much out of life. I want memories to share and dreams to make realities. I want love. I want happiness. I want to be myself. My confused, moody, over dramatic (at times) spastic sugar loving self. I want to be loved by someone who doesn't want to change me but understands me and where I am coming from and where I have been. Someone to love me for me and what I stand for and where I am going. I know it is possible and that I can reach my goal one day... I guess my patience is just wearing thin. I know all these things are up to me and my attitude and my choices. I need motivation. I need a change. I want to go back to school... I want to meet new people. I want to get out of my 7 year rut. Now is the time... Now or never. For real though... change.starts.now. Confession: There is this one guy that just won't get out of my head. It's like he is in the back of my mind all the time. I met him when I was visiting my sib's while they were away at school a few years ago. I went on one date with him... and just from hanging out for those few short days I could tell he was one of a kind. I feel silly even admitting that out loud but I just can't help but wonder what could have happened there. What could have happened if I had been enrolled at school while he was? Now he lives states away. We talk from time to time. I get giddy just thinking about it/him. He is wonderful... but I can't justify moving on a whim for someone that I hardly know. *creeper alert* Wow. But the funny thing is, if he did... I would be all about it. If only I knew he felt the same, I just might load my car up tomorrow and drive. For all I know he is in love with someone, but I still have this hope in the back of my mind that we will run into each other again and sparks fly. I think I am dreaming but I am ok with that. The other thing is, I can't help but think 'he is too good for me'... but then I think about the person I am becoming and know that I will deserve someone as great, if not better (psssshhhh, not possible) OK, I am freaking myself out. He has told me before I think too much. Well, I don't remember his words exactly, but it was something like that. Man, this is what I get when I stay up late, watch a sappy chick flick, think too long and get on a computer. NEVER a good outcome for blogging. I have become udderly ridiculous with a dash of creepy/stalker. Who am I!? I should just go to bed. I hope he doesn't read this. If he did, would he know it was all about him? New mission: Self improvement. Starting... NOW. I will be who I need to be when I meet that special man. Or meet him again, I should say... WINK!!! (I apologize to all of you who suffered through reading this... really, I do. I am being ridiculous, as usual... Good night planet Earth) |
| .My latest obsessions. from Courtney Renee by everybody loves courtKNEE |
I am obsessing over:
-Christmas music. I know, a little early...
-Reading. Right now, "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo"... Kinda hard to get into this one...
-White cheddar popcorn. 'Nuff said
-Scarves! All colors, patterns, fabrics etc.
-Boots, preferably cowgirl style...
-NOS Energy drinks, thanks Porter.
-Hair accessories... they can dress up a whole outfit!
-Abstract art. I find it very interesting...
What will it be next month? I find myself doing this lately. I will find something I just can't seem to get enough of for about 30-31 days, then I drop it like it's hot and on to the next obsession. It's like a bad relationship!
-Christmas music. I know, a little early...
-Reading. Right now, "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo"... Kinda hard to get into this one...
-White cheddar popcorn. 'Nuff said
-Scarves! All colors, patterns, fabrics etc.
-Boots, preferably cowgirl style...
-NOS Energy drinks, thanks Porter.
-Hair accessories... they can dress up a whole outfit!
-Abstract art. I find it very interesting...
What will it be next month? I find myself doing this lately. I will find something I just can't seem to get enough of for about 30-31 days, then I drop it like it's hot and on to the next obsession. It's like a bad relationship!
Thursday, November 25, 2010
1 punkin' 2 chocolate pie's and a lot of thanks to give
I love Thanksgiving. It's always such a nice way to kick off the Holiday Season that I love OH so much. I baked 3 pies (2 chocolate, they're award winning by the way... and 1 punkin'...) along with a breakfast casserole last night. I did this all in preparation for today's festivities, AND I didn't char, under cook, or forget to put sugar in anything!!! I was going to do a traditional list of all the things I am thankful for, but I decided non traditional would be more fun...
I am thankful for:
Torchy's Tacos
play dough
football
eye liner
my blackberry
lil' smokies
twinkle lights
snuggle buddies
the Zoo
pop CORN
my 5 senses
Relient K's Christmas CD
Root beer
nail polish
...and its remover
HD TV
compact mirrors
gloves
thermals
babies
body wash
snow
El Chico
facebook
art
fall colors
alarm clocks
car lists (work related ;)
decent drivers
good movies
original flavored Trident gum
airplanes
OK, I could go on and on... the list of things I am thankful for is pretty much never ending. I truly am thankful for this time of year and for all the loved ones I get to share it with. This year has had its fair share of trials, happy moments, tears of pain and joy, laughs, and unforgettable memories. I am first and foremost thankful for my Lord and Savior. In a close second would be my family and their support. Without my family, I would seriously be lost. I dedicate this Thanksgiving day to them. Happy turkey day everyone. Bring on the holidays!!!
I am thankful for:
Torchy's Tacos
play dough
football
eye liner
my blackberry
lil' smokies
twinkle lights
snuggle buddies
the Zoo
pop CORN
my 5 senses
Relient K's Christmas CD
Root beer
nail polish
...and its remover
HD TV
compact mirrors
gloves
thermals
babies
body wash
snow
El Chico
art
fall colors
alarm clocks
car lists (work related ;)
decent drivers
good movies
original flavored Trident gum
airplanes
OK, I could go on and on... the list of things I am thankful for is pretty much never ending. I truly am thankful for this time of year and for all the loved ones I get to share it with. This year has had its fair share of trials, happy moments, tears of pain and joy, laughs, and unforgettable memories. I am first and foremost thankful for my Lord and Savior. In a close second would be my family and their support. Without my family, I would seriously be lost. I dedicate this Thanksgiving day to them. Happy turkey day everyone. Bring on the holidays!!!
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
.I can't believe I just did that.
I just deleted every single post I have ever written by accident. Gone. Just like that. I feel sick to my stomach. IAMSOMADATMYSELFRIGHTNOWICOULDSPIT!!!!!!
...ugh
...ugh
liar liar pants on fire
I know everyone gets lied to at one point or another. I understand that it happens, sometimes more often that we know. I have lied to people. I have lied to make myself feel and/or look better. I have lied to get gain. I am in no way boasting or bragging about this, I am just laying it out there. Being honest, if you will. Everyone lies to someone they love. Everyone cheats the system at one point or another. Learning from these situations makes us better people. Being honest makes us likable and trustworthy.
I gave him the benefit of the doubt. He even said he wanted me to keep the gift. He just needed to get a few things off of it and he would have it back to me by 9:30 that night. I was hesitant, but felt silly for being so. I believed he would keep his word. 9:30 came and went. By 11:00 I realized I would most likely never see it again. All day yesterday I had the slightest hope that I was wrong in my original hesitation and that it would still be returned to me. I honestly believed he didn't have it in him to lie to my face like that. I thought he was better than that. I gave back the ring that I could have easily kept. I gave back everything. I was not difficult. I was pleasant in a rough and awkward situation. Why did I not get the same respect? When worldly possessions and money are all that someone cares about what more is to be expected? I am not upset about the gift. I am upset that I trusted someone that turned out to be so selfish and money driven. It truly is a blessing that I am not marrying into that. So that is the last I will ever speak of him again. He doesn't exist in my life any longer and for that I am grateful.
I gave him the benefit of the doubt. He even said he wanted me to keep the gift. He just needed to get a few things off of it and he would have it back to me by 9:30 that night. I was hesitant, but felt silly for being so. I believed he would keep his word. 9:30 came and went. By 11:00 I realized I would most likely never see it again. All day yesterday I had the slightest hope that I was wrong in my original hesitation and that it would still be returned to me. I honestly believed he didn't have it in him to lie to my face like that. I thought he was better than that. I gave back the ring that I could have easily kept. I gave back everything. I was not difficult. I was pleasant in a rough and awkward situation. Why did I not get the same respect? When worldly possessions and money are all that someone cares about what more is to be expected? I am not upset about the gift. I am upset that I trusted someone that turned out to be so selfish and money driven. It truly is a blessing that I am not marrying into that. So that is the last I will ever speak of him again. He doesn't exist in my life any longer and for that I am grateful.
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